I had some dreams ... they were klowns in my koffee.

(With apologies to Carly Simon)

This is my journey through job transition from a toxic environment to a better life. Join me for a few thoughts and a few laughs along the way.
What are "klowns in my koffee"? They are the factors large and small that make you less than you are. A "klown" can be a grossly incompetent boss,
a short-sighted policy or a moronic coworker. They won't kill you, at least not immediately, but they abrade the soul
as you scrape past them to get through the day. Sometimes it's best to dump them out of the cup.


Day 278 - Porkus Shmorkus

Daily Kup (My Life as a Gainfully Unemployed Person)
We are enjoying a lovely visit with T's family. On our way out of town, the dreaded engine light started blinking again, causing much unclean language and anticipation of visit #3 to Jeff's Auto. On the hunch that it was merely another sensor getting crotchety about a new tank of gas, we motored on until t he blinking stopped. After the last time, I was prepared to push the car all the way to the southern part of the state. It's all downhill according to the map.

In a Porkus State of Mind
Long car rides give me time to think about "stuff." In a couple of months, my little agreement with Porkus is up and I can contact anyone or say any truthful thing I want to. OK, it's not like I've really held back. Or have I?

Either way, it gets dull beating that particularly dead horse, though the Cheryl Boobquist stories always draw many comments from former Porkans. Everyone knows someone like Cheryl. She's Cruella Deville, your ex-wife's mother, or that bat at the DMV who wouldn't let you in five minutes before the posted closing time. She's Dana Carvey's Church Lady and Scott Adams' Catbert, the evil HR director.

Sadly, I think that Porkus is just as ubiquitous. It's more than one little backwater of the civilized business world. I worked for a great company, a Fortune 100 company, that had a little Porkus in its culture. And I've worked for bad companies that had quite a bit of Porkus.

Porkus is a concept that transcends a particularly place and time. It's a state of mind. It's that type of thinking in humans that gives dolphins hope of world domination.

So, if you've never worked at 'THE' Porkus, odds are that you've worked for 'A' Porkus.

Signs That You Are Working for a "Porkus"

— The Marketing Department fabricates awards that the company has won.
— The turnover rate is highest in Human Resources, a department largely staffed by zombies led by a gargoyle.
— The CFO thinks that performance metrics are "a joke" that "most companies don't bother with."
— Education, higher or technical, is viewed with suspicion since management is fully capable of teaching you anything they decide you need to know.
— Conference calls are frequently muted to allow the opportunity to ridicule the customers.
— The technical salespeople wore blue vests at their last jobs.
—Managers are not told their department budgets or the salaries of their employees since it might cause them to try to actually manage something.
— The key strategy for avoiding sexual harassment suits is refusing to hire physically attractive employees.
— No one thinks it's questionable that the production staff all share one social security number.
— The most enduring upper management position is "Toady."

So, if you've ever gotten a review criticizing your writing from a manager who doesn't speak or read in your language, then you may have worked for a Porkus.

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