I had some dreams ... they were klowns in my koffee.

(With apologies to Carly Simon)

This is my journey through job transition from a toxic environment to a better life. Join me for a few thoughts and a few laughs along the way.
What are "klowns in my koffee"? They are the factors large and small that make you less than you are. A "klown" can be a grossly incompetent boss,
a short-sighted policy or a moronic coworker. They won't kill you, at least not immediately, but they abrade the soul
as you scrape past them to get through the day. Sometimes it's best to dump them out of the cup.


Day 0 - Send in the Klowns

I saw them coming toward me -- the Honcho, the HR VP and the Corporate Counsel. The lawyer looked as though he were being pulled along on a string behind them over rough terrain as though they were walking the dog in the yo-yo sense. Her Royal Highness of HR had the envelopes and the papers. I partially rose from my chair to greet them. "Is this finally it at last?" They started the script as if this were the standard response to this situation. I thought of yelling, "I'm going to Disneyland!" but something about facing a moving wall of the humor-impaired stifles creative impulse.

"It is with regret ..

(I should think that 12 years should get you "great regret")

... that I inform you that your employment with Porkus Computer Systems will be terminated as of the end of the business day, today March 25, 2010."

I was delighted to see that my boss had been represented as capable of composing a complete sentence in English for I'd never seen him actually perform that feat before. At Porkus, we had laid off so many people that there is probably a Word template with a fill-in text box for the date.

"This staffing reduction is based on a change of business needs and circumstances."

The change was that they decided that they had far too many employees with ovaries and/or an education when they could be spending their limited resources on those more easily bullied. In all fairness, they'd been peeing away money the last few years like a diabetic dog at a fire hydrant festival. The economy had not been good to Porcus since the target market -- small companies that don't mind paying more for crap because they can't get credit with good manufacturers -- was slowly moving back into their parents' basements until they could find a real job.

Apparently, I'll be joining them.

Follow me on my journey from soul-sucked middle management drone to ... well, let's find out, shall we?

Tomorrow -- Signing up for Unemployment

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